Tuesday, June 14, 2016

I've got this

had it not because it happened in my life, i wouldnt able to relate the feeling of being strike by the words of;

I have got this-attitude.

i thought... and always thought that not showing the flaws, try to be in control is always what Allah want us to be.
K pernah marah aku sebab ini.
kerana aku seolah cuba menidakkan rasa sendiri.
cuba untuk bangkit sendiri.
cuba untuk melawan sakit sendiri.
things happened because of me, thus i need to hold it up.
i need to make things right myself.
i went through so many things in life,
i could get this one through.
Ive got this.
bring it on.
i will be able to handle it.

no. i dont.
i was never be so wrong!

Allah makes human imperfect.
He test us because He wants us to go to Him.
He wants us to always ask for His help.
I did. but not as the first result.
it was always after so many things happened and i was out of control i beg Him to help me through.
I beg Him to show me the right path.
I beg Him to.....
'leave me alone'

aku pernah ada rasa itu.
aku pernah rasa seperti tidak disayang dunia.
aku pernah rasa seolah masa depan aku hancur.
aku pernah rasa seperti mahu melarikan diri jauh dari segala manusia yang ada.
aku pernah rasa mati itu lebih baik untuk aku.
Aku pernah ada rasa itu.
Had it not because of HIM, I will never be able to sit here and write this.

Aku tanya Allah.
dan tanya.

Why did He test me like this.
Why did He gave me such a pain.

Little did i know back then, He loves me so much that He let me feel the love of being rise from fall.
being joint together after breaking apart.
aku dah taktahu apa jenis bentuk hati aku kala ini.
setelah dicincang halus,
dihancur leburkan,

Hanya saja tidak kerana kasihNYA Tuhan,
mengutip satu persatu hati aku kembali,
menjahit, meletak gam, mencantumkannya kembali,
aku mungkin akan pasrah dengan dunia apa adanya.
gila mungkin?

*ketawa kecil sambil lap air mata*

i will never say the words again Ya Rabb.

i have got nothing.
It was all you.
It is always you who helps me rise.
who consoles me.
who loves me nonstop .
from before.
from even i born.
i never a mistake.
you always love me as i am.

i have got nothing.
test me, i will ALWAYS and ALWAYS ask for your help.
from the beginning.
from the very moment i feel hard.
from even now!
when i feel so in love with you.
when i feel so happy.
when i feel so glad, i am happiness.

Thank you Allah for everything u did.
Thank you Allah for always love me.
Thank you Allah.
Thank you so much.

I will never got this.
i have got nothing...except you...

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